She was asking for it

Going through my old notes, I found this one I wrote after hearing Ashley Judd’s speech at the Women’s March on 2017. Two years later, it still feels relevant. I still stand behind every word I wrote and felt and I know that even today, I would write every single one of them.

Here’s to a day (soon) in which I don’t feel this way. In which none of us feel this way.

Something just clicked.

I listened to Ashley Judd's rap during the Women's March and she said: "I keep my eyes looking at my feet, hoping you won't mistake eye contact with physical contact. I zip my smile cause I don't want you to think I want to unzip your pants".

It honestly never occurred to me that such a simple act like looking into someone's eyes or smiling could lead to believing that I am somehow physically attracted or in need of you.

I have lived my life being a kind woman, and before that a nice teenager, and before that a good girl. And I have been taught to be kind, polite, respectful.

Making eye contact and smiling is my everyday, my natural actions. I don't even think about it. And I have been far too many times mistook by idiots who truly think that I flirt with anyone and that I want with everyone, making it impossible for me to actually take someone seriously.

To believe a man when he tells me I'm beautiful and wants to go out. To not think that all he really wants is my body.

Am I mistaken to jump to conclusions? Yes. Is it fear that leads my actions? Probably. Because I don't want to see my name in the news as the young girl who died in the hands of her aggressor. The woman who was raped behind a trash container. The latina who wore too short a skirt so she was "asking for it".

I want to see my name in the news as a successful woman. An inspiring, hardworking, determined, happy woman.

I don't want to fear. It's not fair to fear. I don't want to live my life mistrusting because that's the only way I could "protect myself" from the big bad wolf.

I am tired. I want change. And I want you and me to make it. Because a better, safer life for women, is in benefit of ALL HUMANITY.

Originally published on April 11, 2019

Original note from February 10th, 2017